I am very much awake and alert. I should not be since my sleep was very sporadic last night. I think at least one of my lungs is very unhappy in my body and trying to get out. No lung. Bad lung.
I want to be at work. Well, not now, now it's too early.
Fucking cold from hell. I'm so over it.
I had an interesting dream last night. I can't remember the specifics but basically I was a boy. I had been raised as a girl when I was young along with my sister because, well, my mom thought I was a girl. As I got older it became obvious that I wasn't. This didn't all happen in my dream, it was knowledge that I had in my dream. I believe my upbringing was pretty much the same overall. Anyway, in my dream I was the age I am now and I ran into a bunch of people from my old ballet school. I know Honore was one of them (she was a few years older than me. I had the idolizing girl-crush on her for awhile when I was in junior high. She just seemed so cool.). I think Teresa was another one (she was the director of my ballet school and my teacher). I talked to them and caght up, my sister may have been with me and it was like normal. I don't know how long it had been but I was happy to see them. I don't know what we were all doing there. It was a mall type place and we were outside of an educational-type toy store. I ended up going in and I woke up as I was looking at nifty things. No one was surprised that I was a boy when they had known me as a girl. Perhaps we'd gone through all that already, I don't know. It was very normal. I think I was at the place with my sister but it could have been some friends.
I wish I had written this down as soon as I woke up. I would have remembered so much more.
Looking back on it now I am wondering whether my boy-self was possibly Justin (he went to my ballet school and was one of my first crushes). Of course, if I were a boy I would probably bear a pretty strong resemblance to him. He's a little taller than me, slender, graceful, blond hair. I run into him every once in awhile. I didn't think of him at all in the dream, this is just a thought that has popped into my head now as I was thinking about my boy-self in my dream.
I don't know what to make of this. I do think that dreams can hold meaning. I don't think they always do, but sometimes they can predict things or subconsciously bring your attention to something you need to pay attention to or . . . well, any number of things really.
I suppose it makes sense a little bit. I was thinking about my old dance school last night and one of the books I'm reading is on gender but I haven't picked it up in a few days.
Oh, one other thing. I don't know if I will be able to get it to come across. When I woke up I still had the knowledge that my gender had changed but I was thinking that I had been a boy and was a girl. I realized that I had started out as a girl in my dream and was a boy. It was one of those dreams that was just so real that you are kind of still in it for a minute when you wake up. There is that confusion for a moment when you wake up. Except I assumed on waking that I'd gone from boy-to-girl when in my dream it was otherwise. I think I know why there was that switch for a minute, I was quite aware of the fact I was a girl at that moment and I knew that my gender had switched. So obviously I went from boy to girl.
I don't think any of this will make sense to anyone else. It did though. Really. I swear.