June 11th, 2003

kushi-kushi

(no subject)

And my sudden random friendship thought seems to be spurring the development of more. No! I'm tired! I need to sleep! I don't want to ponder the effects that certain seemingly small things can end up having on a relationship! Or how the feeling that someone has a problem with you ends up affecting you and your interactions with the person. Or if you are annoyed with someone about something but you don't think it's worth discussing, you know it's all you but it still manages to eat at you. Or . . . yeah I'm just going to stop.

I wonder if I made mistakes with people that I haven't realized. That fear, that everyone is talking behind my back, that people just pretend to like me, it's very real sometimes. But it's so silly. It's so high school. Sometimes I wonder if people really know me and if they do, how could they possibly really like me. I'm sure that no one really respects me. I mean look! I'm a goddamn irresponsible fool! And it's my fault.

There was a whole bunch of other stuff but I went back and deleted it. What is in that choice? Whether to post what is in your head or not?

You know, sometimes I feel like I am being haunted. Like I live with a ghost. Like all day today, I've been thinking about my family shit. My mom mainly, it's just like this constant presence. Guilt. How can I possibly know that I was doing the right thing. How could I make my mother hurt this much? And I know, I know, I know all of it. It doesn't help. Sometimes, it just doesn't help.

And after awhile I will come to my senses.

No, you know, I was wrong up there. About the ghost. It's like someone died. And I miss them so much. I miss the relationship we had and, and, her and . . . and . . . stuff. And it is all because of what I did. It's my fault.

I feel so lonely right now.

Heh. Random thought that lead to all this. I'll be fine in the morning.
kushi-kushi

Holy Sweet Jesus!!!!!

I am bleeding! I am bleeding!!!!!! Woooooo!!!!!!! Yaayyy!!!!!!

A public service announcement for all ladies on the pill: You can overlap sometimes and skip your period for a month. This is fine. This is good. This can be very useful. Do not, I repeat do not, try to skip two or more in a row. After skipping two, Sometime while you are in the middle of your cycle you will notice that you are bleeding a little. This will be worisome since you should not be bleeding at that time. It turns out this is what happens when you try to skip more than one monthly bleed at a time. You may also get some of your normal PMS symptoms. Mood-swings, back-ache, cramps, headaches, prone to sickness, whatever. You may get bits of all, you may get one. (I'm suspecting PMS moodiness has been living happily in me the past week and a half or so. I have been prone to cry at the drop of a hat. More than normal. Really.)

You will have to deal with this crap until your regular monthly bleeding which may be a little more hardcore than normal.

I pass this information on to you for when i started the pill I was told I could skip my period but i was not told of the dire consequences of skipping more than one at a time.

Boys, if you were grossed out, that's life.

~does the happy bleeding girl-hole dance~
kushi-kushi

(no subject)

I'm going to work today! Yay!!!!!

Of course last night I couldn't fall asleep for more than an hour or so at a time so this could be interesting.