June 19th, 2003


(no subject)

It is one thing to know something is true in your head, it can be a whole other thing to really believe it.

Old habits die hard. I'm trying though, believe it or not, I'm really, really trying. It's so exhausting sometimes though. And some things are easier said than done.

I worry about my mother, I want her to find some happiness in her life. I'm worried about her surviving, what she will do about money. I know that this isn't my responsibility. I know that there is really nothing I can do. That doesn't make it any easier.

I know it's all a guilt-trip and it really pisses me off that I feel so guilty.

I've been worried about my mother since my sister left but for the past few days it's been this constant worry in my head. It's just always there, like my brain is being haunted by a ghost. It's driving me crazy. The past two days it has been all I can do not to cry. Any little thing . . . BAM, tears are flowing.

I wish I didn't care. I wish I could just turn it off. I have enough shit to deal with besides this.

And I feel like a broken record. ~sigh~

Now, I do have other things on my mind besides my mother which also makes it so annoying that she has been taking over my thoughts lately.

Anyway, yeah, I needed to vent a bit.

Must finish getting ready for work.

And one other thing, then i really am heading off to work.

I'm sorry I haven't really been keeping up with journals and I haven't done anymore of those surveys yet. I just haven't really been in the headspace to tackle them right now.

Shit, I still need to get my therapy homework done by Tuesday. I'm not really in the headspace to tackle that either. Crap.

Must. Stop. Obsessing. About. Things. I. Have. No. Control. Over.