October 3rd, 2003


Fucking Scott Baio . . .

It appears that I have pink eye. Of all the illnesses for me to be succeptible to why does mine have to be fucking pink eye? People run from you when you have pink eye. Now I don't know if I can work tonight. Damn Damn Damn.

This also meant that I had to reschedule my shoot for today. AGAIN.

And I found out this morning that I am no longer eligible for the dental plan I was under. I then called my mom who called my dad to find out what the hell was going on. My dad told her to tell me to call him if I am having problems with this. So my mom calls me to tell me to call my dad. I call my dad. Talk to him a bit. It's the first time since before I moved out. It was kind of nice but of course my dad did ask me if I was still living at home. Yay awkwardness. Fucking fucked up family shit. Hello rock. Hello hard place. ~cuddles between them~ I fully realize that much of this isn't going to make much sense without background but I don't feel like writing it right now. Another time. I have to call him this afternoon to find out what is going on. I will have to reschedule my dentist appointment. AGAIN.

~brief pause for about 20 minutes~

Ok, and now I had a great conversation with my mother. I knew I shouldn't have brought up the dad thing (well the me talking to him sometimes part, the rest was why I needed to call her). I knew that it would go about the same way it did. I hate being right sometimes. Well, thanks for telling me to do whatever I think is right "because I'll do it anyway" and including the implication that there is only one right thing to do and anything else would be a betrayal to her. ~is now quite firmly nestled between the rock and the hard place with no hope of getting out~

I have been awake for about an hour and a half now (It's about 11 right now). That is, if you don't include my getting up at 7 to try to call the dentist which of course wasn't open, and waking up again at 8 to call them again and let my mom know what's going on.

I am feeling rather crabby. Fuck this day.

And fuck you, Scott Baio.

Well, it's official . . .

. . . I don't get to be an evil nurse tonight. As I had suspected, there is really no way to work around pink eye. Especially if I just got it. Christi is sad. however, Christi will proabably get to work tomorrow night as the inmate. She asked if wearing an eye patch would be possible and the guy I talked to said it would probably work. On my to-do list tomorrow: get an eyepatch.

Plus it is probably good that I rest tonight.

My sister called to see if I wanted to get lunch so that was nice. I'd already eaten but I went along for the ride. Apparently Rudy has been mentioning her moving in again so that is now an option again. I told her to let me know what she is doing by the end of this month so that I have a little notice as to whether or not I am moving in with her.

I talked to my dad a little while ago about what he found out about the dental stuff. Basically, I need to get my own plan since I'm 24. We talked about some other stuff like what I am doing in school and what I have been up to. My dad mentioned that maybe when he gives me the paperwork for the dental stuff we could meet up and get coffee. He also invited me and ChaosStream to see a movie on base with him sometime. He also wants to come see me at Frightmare. He also apologized for not being at the pageant and my high school graduation. He hadn't known until after the fact. I knew that already but it was still nice to hear. He told me that he would really like to be at my college graduation and that he would stay at the back so as not to create drama. You know, with the other half of my family. He also said that it was nice that I still considered him family. (I had mentioned something about him letting me know when he wants to go to Frightmare so I can get him in since he is a family member.) He also said that he doesn't want to talk about my mom with me, he doesn't think it is right. I told him that I really appreciated that. (I had alluded to the fact that my mother and I had our difficulties.)

So . . . it looks like I will probably be hanging out with my dad sometime in the next few weeks. I don't know what I am going to do about the living situation stuff. I suppose I will hope that it doesn't come up for now. I don't know. I don't like that option but I just don't know what else to do right now.

Talking to him brought a mix of emotions. I don't know if I can really discuss them here right now. One thing I can say . . . I've missed him.

I so wish I could see my therapist this week, I could use some time to talk this stuff out. I actually wish I could talk a bit with someone on my mom's side of the family that could be kind of objective about this and has some knowledge of the situation, maybe think of another way to handle this that I haven't thought of yet, but . . . I don't know.

I don't know if I'll even be able to tell my mom about this for now.

I hate this. Fuck you, Rock. Fuck you, Hard Place.

Anyway, I should end this, my eye is starting to get fuzzy.